So one of my children just came up to me to confess of a crime spree. The boys are playing in the backyard and DD comes up to me in a panic and is saying all those will you still love me, will you still forgive me even if I did something very wrong speeches in between her tears. I am not freaking out yet because, one, she is drama, and two, I have the weird ability to completely freak out about a spilled cup at the dinner table and go completely zen when the kids break my brand new $40 vase.
DD finally gets to the meat of the confession and its not pretty, not short, and not even a little recent. And it is not even a little easy to make her make this right. Apparently she stole a crappy little toy from a cousin, sorry Jenny, she will confess this weekend when we come, and while we were cleaning earlier in the week I threw it away. She said nothing as I threw in the trash with the rest of the those weird little toys you accumulate and then periodically trash. She stole a glue stick from a friend's house at the last post and they don't even live there anymore. The last thing to come out of course was the worst. Actual shoplifting. She stole candy. But she doesn't know from where. A store where Daddy was there, and it has grey or black floors that were easy to skate/slide on and we saw her friend from school there, remember? Uh, no.
I just tried to explain to her how bad this was and how hard it is to make it right when you hold it in for so long. But other than just going to a random store and making her pay for candy, I am out of ideas. And also on the "whoa is me" front, I hate having to make these sort of decisions by myself. I have been having problems with DD taking stuff of mine and squirreling it away in her room but I thought we had gotten control of this. I makes me so crazy angry when I think about it.
As she lays there in her own bed in her own room, where she keeps all her girls toys that she doesn't have to share with anyone since she doesn't have any sisters. My kids have activities, satellite TV, nice clothes, decent parents, hot lunches at school, cold lunch when they want that, and the list goes on. They don't have an endless list of toys because we don't think the need that much, we don't buy them all the stuff they ask for, but we do sometimes. They are not beaten, they are loved, they are cared for, even if it is in my weird way. We teach them to be caring people, loving, responsible people. They have chores, they know work. They are not spoiled, they are not Oliver either. I just am not sure how to discipline this when it is something we have always taught to not do. I am frustrated and angry not to mention on my own.
4 comments:
So frustrating! I have one of those. He comes home with little things from school - says he got a prize from his teacher or a friend gave it to him. I believed for too long and finally got really suspicious when the "Prize" was way to big for teacher to EVER give it. I have no solutions only empathy.
It stinks that you have to be on your own to deal with it too! I appreciate you letting your husband give his time to protect the world. Thank you.
I feel for you. Ashley was our little trial in that way. I think the best thing you can do is not to overreact. This is just a stage for most children. They don't steal because they need it, sometimes its for attention and sometimes its because they really wanted that candy bar and was told "no" at the time. I think you are doing a great job. You let them know what is expected and that you are disappointed when they don't live up to it. But this too shall pass. They will grow up to be responsible, caring, and honest adults (who happen to listen to strange music ;)).
You could try an objent lesson as well. While she's at school "borrow" something of hers thats really special. When she can see how it feels, she might be more thoughtful the next time she is tempted to "borrow" something. Good luck! I know you'll do great! And I echo supercoolmom; thank you for your sacrifice!
Well, be comforted in the fact that MOST kids go thru this stage. And yes, it really is a stage. And as long as you deal with it instead of ignoring it, she will learn the lesson she needs to from it, and will outgrow it. So far 3 of my 4 kids have gone thru this (well, one still is) and the 4th is too young to even think of it.
I've got a couple pieces of advice (should you choose to accept them).
First, go check out loveandlogic.com and see what you can find on their website. Their parenting/discipline system has worked very well for our family and I highly recommend it. It's all based on natural consequences, etc.
Second, if it were my kid, I think I'd have them try to "repay" in SOME way, even if it isn't direct. When she apologizes to her cousin this weekend, have her replace the toy with one of her own. If she doesn't have access to apologize directly to the friend from the previous location, or to the store that she stole from, have her "replace" those items with something of her own being donated to the poor.
I wonder what made her come forward about it. Did you have a recent lesson on honesty or something?
I think what Susie had to say was really good.
I think it's also really good that DD came to you about it instead of someone ratting her out or finding out first. It shows she has conscience. And good thing it happened with little things when she is still very young. She will probably be a VERY honest girl from now on out.
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