Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I'm off!

Lovely school break looming before me, I am taking off to my sister's house for some turkey and hunting. I am hunting a flat screen TV this Friday. Our TV is the first TV we ever bought in our marriage and I am ready for an upgrade.

I will be back on Saturday or so and then I will post pictures of the Presidential visit to Fort Campbell yesterday that I took the boys to.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Uhhh, thanks?

Yesterday, I took a break from studying to actually do something. As I crashed and burned on my test this afternoon it probably wasn't the best idea. Anyway, I decided to go to enrichment. I have only gone like three times the year and a half we have lived here. It is the same time as swim team practice so I never make it. Yesterday, was the last day of swimming before we take a break. Less is more. So I pulled the kids out of swimming until Jan.

So, I get to the church and one of the first things someone says to me is..."You look exhausted."

I am pretty sure the phrase "worn-out" was in there also. I replied that, "Yes, I am but I am so glad that you can tell." Well, now. I have mirrors, I know that the bags under my eyes now resemble duffel bags rather than hand bags but ouch.

Here's to the future:

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Life or Pancakes

From the movie "Stranger Than Fiction"

Harold Crick - "I want to live! I mean who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living, chooses pancakes?"
Professor Hilbert - "Harold, if you pause to think I believe you'd realize that that answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being lead and, of course, the quality of the pancakes."

On an aside, I really like this movie, some of my favorite quotes are from this little know Will Ferrell movie. It is not a normal sense of the word comedy but it is very funny. Smart funny.

To the point, I love that line. I'm not trying to sound pathetic, but I hope when I look back at my life it would appear to be better than high quality pancakes. I'm just saying.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Lather, rinse, repeat. As needed.

I know everyone knows the rut feeling. I have been feeling it something fierce ever since Dan left and just stepped back into the grind like nothing had happened.

Turn-off alarm. Do a little reading. Get breakfast for the kids. Get in the shower. Backpacks ready, clean-up breakfast. "Does everyone have a sweatshirt?" Repeat question four times. Get my backpack ready. Grab whatever bottle is counting as my breakfast and throw it in. Watch for the bus, get out the door, go, go, go. Oh yeah, I love you, have a good day. Drive to school, talk to Dan on phone. Find parking spot, walk to class. Cram whatever study time I have in. Class, study, class, study. Drive home. Clean something. Eat maybe. Study, homework. Kids, their homework. Clean something. Stop fighting. What day is it? Swimming, scouts, what's going on tonight? Dinner, baths, jamas. Stop fighting. Go to bed, now, I love you. Study, homework, watch some TV. Talk to Dan. Read a little, set alarm, turn off light.

Repeat, repeat, repeat, infinity...

I feel nothing but stress, frustration, anger, and occasionally nothing at all. I am just coming off a wonderful girl's weekend. My sister and I and a couple of friends did a church conference thing, Time Out for Women. It was here in Nashville this past weekend. A single friend stayed at the house and watched the kids. We all got a hotel room, went to the conference, ate actual food, had a good time. Now here I am two days later, one day away from my first final and I am ready to explode.

I am very dispirited. I don't know how else to describe it except that I feel like I am failing. Not grade wise, potential wise. I am not doing my best work, the house is not clean, I feel like I am constantly pushing the kids away because I either need to study or please just let me have a minute to myself. In trying to get everything done, I feel like nothing is getting accomplished. I just don't know what to do with this feeling that I can't do this. The thought of settling for B's in some of my classes that I should have A's in makes me sick. And, yes, I know how stupid this all sounds. Now you know, I am truly that uptight.

So I have conceded. I am unwilling to live like this and unwilling to have my kids live this way anymore. As much as it feels like a kick in the gut, next semester I am taking the A&P II class with it's lab and nothing else. This class, this semester, has taken me at least 15 hours a week. I am just going to focus on that and maybe next fall I can re-evaluate, again.

But now, it is official, I will not be graduating here. It will be impossible. I choose sanity over a defined graduation date. It just really sucks. I have no idea where we are going next, if there will be a university there, if they will even have a program. It's going to be a great picture me in my gown next to Punx in his in 2024. That's figuring that Punx graduates on time for high school, serves a two year mission and takes five years to get through college.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

The thrill is gone

Enough already. [cough cough] I am so over the charm of laying in bed and watching TV, as I sneeze and reach for the tissues. At least I was able to venture out today, I was out of medicine.

Sixty-five bucks later, cough drops in bulk, chest cough meds, and a humidifier with some fancy vicks stuff you put in the water.

It's time to get out of bed. I'm thinking the couch, the one with the DVR in front of it, I remember why I hate commercials now. [cough cough] Was that pathetic enough for you guys?

The bright side, the kids don't have school on Monday, so I am not going to my classes even though my morning class was canceled so I am only ditching one class. Then Tuesday is when Austin Peay is doing Veteran's Day so I don't have classes on that day so I can be all kinds of pathetic until Wednesday with no fears.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Tons o' Tidbits

I am having a wonderful sick day. I haven't left my bed except to do necessary things like get chocolate, water, the computer, tissues, and more cough drops. I have never not minded being sick before. I feel like crap but yet I am enjoying myself. I have just laid here and watched TV, actual TV with commercials and everything. I even watched some music videos this morning, that was awesome. It has been too long since I took a lazy day. I wanted to take advantage of the lazy day to spew out all the stuff in my head that I didn't get out during R&R or have been otherwise forgetting.

Grades: I have hit a pretty good grove with my classes and have nailed a few more tests. The day that Dan came home was my second A&P test so I had to take it early, got the results after we got back from our weekend trip: 97%! I still got a sticker but my "good" went to "excellent" and I got #3 in the class. We just had our third test which I didn't study too well for since Dan was home for the whole section: 88%, back to a "good," but still third. Another Algebra test: 94%. In my A&P lab I got a 97% on the midterm and the top grade in the class. Second English test tomorrow on Dante, don't feel so prepared. So eventually my lazy day must end for some studying. Oh, poo.

Halloween: We did Star Wars this year. I was so happy that Dan was able to be here for the ward party at least.

I think I nailed the buns, that took some configuring. A natural bun of my thin hair is about the size of my ear, I made those from yarn. I took it easy this year, not much sewing. Dan's costume is thrift store with a little altering, mine is a Roman costume from years past with some altering, and the kids are purchased or borrowed.

There they are: Queen Amidala, Obi-wan, and Darth Vader. I couldn't find a picture where Bug is wearing his Darth Vader mask.

I already informed the children what we are doing next year. They have no choice in the matter, we are finally going to do what I have dreamed of doing for years. These will require five from scratch costumes so I have to get started real early, that's why I figured I'd let the kids know now that I took their free will away. I'm so excited, my dream Halloween.

Another swim meet: This time it was at our Y, so much easier. I don't know what places the kids got in there final events but they each won a few of their heats, they were very excited about that. The big one about this one was that they each got to do some relays for the first time and Punx did a 100 IM for the first time, one length of each stroke, it was amazing. He was so tired by the end, it was his hardest event and his last event. I was so proud. We have a couple more weeks of this session left and then we are taking the next session off. Just a little break, more free time during the winter and especially finals for me.

And lastly My kids on:

My kids on Finances:
Bug: If I had hundreds million dollars I'd put my hands in the air and say, "Victory is Mine!" Then take dollars and throw them in the air.

My kids on the eventuality of Death:
Bug and DD: Driving to Bowling Green, KY we drive through a small town called Russleville and it's graveyard every time.
Bug, "Mom, a dead yard"
DD, "Is that where you bury the people that you love?"
Me, "And where do you put the people that you don't love, in the garbage?"
DD, "That's all the people? How can that fit all the people who have ever lived?"
Me, "All the people that ever lived are not buried in Russleville, KY."
DD, "Oh, just all the people of KY and TN, then."

My kids on compliments:
DD, "Mom, you're nice and funny."
Me, "You forgot something."
DD, "Oh yeah, nice, funny, and beautiful."
And the same time Punx said, "Aggressive."

My kids on the election:
DD, "Mom, who are you going to vote for? At school there is a box at the cafeteria where we can vote."
Punx, "What are you talking about? That's for your favorite food, I voted for hamburger."
DD, "Oh, I saw someone vote for Obama."

The vote counters, that's one vote for pizza, one for Obama, one for hamburger, and one for Ralph Nader? Who put that in here?

That about all my diseased brain can remember for the moment.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Super Cheesy/Gushy Confession

I am not one for emotional outbursts. Wait, let me rephrase that so it's true. I am not one for outbursts of positive emotions. Spontaneous hugs, Golly gee your swell kinda stuff. Nothing makes me want to kick my own butt more than when I cry in public. I'm not all that comfortable when other people do it either.

But the truth really is...there is a soft sort squishy person deep inside there that I keep chained up and buried beneath sarcasm, wit, and (hopefully) a good dose of dark humor.

This election has made my squishy come out.

I know that I will take this back, maybe even by the time the results come out but I am so happy today. I have always been too interested in politics, I remember when I went crying to my father to tattle on my mother for having a Dukakis pin on her purse. I was mortified, what was she thinking? She couldn't possibly be thinking about voting for him. It was 1988, and I was ten, it's a little bit of a head scratcher why I am like this.

I love this country. I mean Apple Pie, Fourth of July, Big Band, Fireworks, bring on the Lee Greenwood love this country. Every Fourth I take the kids to the show on post and we sit real close to the band and I cry. I am so embarrassed. I try to hide it every year and am always so grateful when it finally gets dark.

Here's the point. Voter turn out has always been one of those things that gets my blood boiling. This great right we have and so many people not exercising it. So much blood split for it and people don't care. I missed the registration deadline after I turned eighteen by one day, I didn't know about deadlines then. On the day of the election I went with my boyfriend to the polls and watched him vote for Bob Dole as I hide my tears. I've never missed a deadline since, even with all the moves.

I am so proud of everyone this year. Bursting. Millions of new registrations, millions of first time voters. It is anticipated anywhere from 20-40 million more people will vote in this election than the last presidential election. That is so huge!

With all the division in the country, all this break-down among party lines, today I just don't care. Today everyone gets their voice. Americans are taking their voices back. This is why I am so happy, so pleased, so squishy.

Today I honestly don't care who wins. Because with so many people finally voting it makes me feel like we will be getting a President that America has chosen, even if it isn't the one that I voted for. How can I be upset at that? Now I make no promises on how I'll feel in a few months when the new administration does whatever it is they are going to do that I don't like.

Right now, inside I am all roasted warm marshmellow. I voted today, I hope you did, too. The will of the people will be done today. For the People, by the People.