Here are some things that I have noticed that I have done as a parent mainly just to survive. Some things I have done on the fly. Some things I am mortified to admit that I have done.
1. I have hid in a dark locked bathroom from my children for alone time.
2. Forgive me, I have said, "I'll give you something to cry about."
3. We have discovered there is a golden age where when a child comes crying to you, you can act asleep. The golden age is where they will tip toe away. Do it too young they poke you in the eye, too old they know you're faking and start to jump on you.
4. I have used SNL Jack Handley Deep Thoughts on my kids for my own pleasure. Example: Bug, "Mom, why is the playground broken?" Me, "Probably something you did."
5. We have used infant startle reflexes for fun.
6. We have used our children for our own amusement far too many times to mention one by one, like making them wrestle, or wrapping them in pillows and having them run at each other. Just two examples.
7. You can close an infants eyes manually and they will sometimes go to sleep.
8. Cereal and Milk served at 6 p.m. is all about presentation. If you are excited they will be too.
9. To finish Harry Potter in one day takes a lot of advanced planning. New movies and a lot of snack food.
10. I knew I no longer had any babies in the house when I no longer said, "Don't do that to your baby brother," and it changed to, "Oh stop crying, just go hit him back, then he won't do it again."
I hope my wisdom benefits someone as it has probably messed up my children.
4 comments:
BWAAAHAAHAAA!!!! My kids were looking at me like I was possessed while laughing at this. I have done some of these and would consider some of the others. You are a fountain of knowledge.
Cristtin, you are a sad, strange little mom.:} I have done some of those myself! I can totally relate to the hiding in the bathroom. I do miss having a baby in the house. Jarom does his best to help ease the pain. I still have to wipe his tooshie when he yells from the bathroom, "I went poopie!"
My lowest Mom moment probably comes in the car when they are whining for something to drink - I've got nothing. My response to repeated whining, "What do you want me to do, spit in your mouth?"
What the heck is infant startle syndrom?!?!?! You are so hilariASS!! Who ever Hotmomma is her comment is way funny too!!!Thanks for brightening my rediculously chaotic life right now, and I don't mean that in a "Heidi" kind of way, (no offence, Heidi, but seriously!?!) Your blog and theskinnywebsite are what keep me sane!!!!!!!!!
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