I know that everyone must feel this way. This day is just off. Going about regular business, school, chores, swimming, feels out of whack. Staying at home watching the news feels weird. Everything about this day makes me feel like I've forgotten something.
This year more than any other.
I think of that day when I turned on the TV and saw. No one could have grasped then that it would mean that our lives had changed to pre- and post-. I didn't. Dan had just gotten out of the Guard and had contacted with the ROTC to join the Air Force after graduation later in 2002. He signed his contact on Sept. 9th when the world made more sense. Dan joined the Guard in 1999 to help pay for school and then fell in love with the military. He decided that if he was going to make it his career he should go Air Force and finish school. Dan's Guard unit was called up on Sept 13th for two years. All I could think of was how glad I was that he had gotten out and was now joining the Air Force, where he wasn't going to be asked to do anything scary.
Then...seven years later he is in the Army and in the war that started a month later. He has a desk job, he is not in danger, I do not worry about that. We are blessed, lucky, and grateful. But he is gone. And he is going again, all too soon. That is all I can think about. He isn't home from the first one and the second one is already looming on the calendar.
I am being selfish. Then comes the guilt. This day isn't about me but that is all I think about, my family and what this day did to my kids. Evil men on the other side of the world decided to murder innocent people because they live in America and wanted to go to work and support their families. Now my kids have to give up their father for big chunks of their childhood. I have to give up my best friend and have a 10,000 mile marriage.
We chose this life, the military life. Together. And more than that when Dan was being let go from the Air Force he had options, civilian life or Army life. We chose this, together. We knew that by going Army he would deploy. We knew that he would be gone and what he would be asked to do. We made this decision with our eyes open.
That knowledge doesn't change a thing. I am still alone at night when the kids cry. I am still selfish, and just want Dan home.
4 comments:
I've been sitting here for way too long, wondering what to write. Lots of thoughts are going through my head, so you get them all:
Not selfish at all, anyone would feel the same. Today I wish my hubby was 10,000 miles away =0). Thanks for your sacrifice to protect our freedom. Hugs.
You are not selfish at all. You are incredibly self-less letting your husband go do that. I would go insane.
I can't imagine being 10,000 miles away for so long. Danny is in Washington D.C. right now. He'll be gone a total of four days. I cannot even begin to comprehend further and longer.
You are definitely not selfish.
Selfish, smelfish. You are neither! You guys are awesome & this will make you stronger, not that you want to hear that!! I can not imagine what you are going through, I have only gotten a taste when Chad was gone for 8 months. Not fun, nor my finest 8 months! Just know we are sending happy vibes your way!!
i'm SOOO sorry cristtin. you are not selfish, its a normal feeling. i felt it when rob was over there as well.
i can't imagine it with children though ... we were just barely married. rob has been gone for the past three days and i've been missing him, and aidan has been asking for him everyday ... it doesn't compare to the sacrifice that you, your children and your husband are making. freedom is not free, but definately worth protecting. and i am so thankful for your family's sacrifice!!!
i'm sorry!!!
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