Not so smart

I know that I do things sometimes, alright frequently, that aren't so smart. Not the best ideas. However most of the time, they are honest mistakes, lapses of judgment, moments of forgetfulness, things of that nature. Today, not so much. I am not sure what I was thinking, trying to torture myself? Wanting to cause myself pain? I would've been better off, falling down the stairs, like last year and spraining my ankle again than going forward with this idea.

I have been wallowing. Dan has been gone for six months. It should be the halfway point of a normal deployment but we are only at 40% instead of 50%. It will be another 45 days until we hit the hump. I have been obsessively checking my Donut of Misery willing it just to get to 40% and show me the six month mark, which has made it take even longer. Then I came up with the really bad idea, the supremely not smart idea.

Dan was gone last summer, starting a 15 month deployment, got four months into it and then came home for about three months and then left for this deployment. I have a friend here whose husband stayed on that deployment and he comes home next month. So I have been thinking a little too much about that. Been a little too jealous about that. Then I did it anyway, knew it would hurt, and did it anyway. I put in Dan's original report date from the first deployment and redeployment date. 85%. A couple days before my 30th birthday. It was so not smart.

There are so many, many reason that I am so grateful that he is on this deployment and not that first one. I am absolutely certain of the conviction that he is on the deployment that was best for our family, his job, his safety, my sanity, his health. Everything has worked out so much better for us that he was removed from that team and put on the unit that he is on now. Would someone please get that fist to unclench around my heart?

It was so stupid.

There was another not smart thing I did. I paid the mortgage to the company on the line above my mortgage company's on my bank's online bill pay website. And didn't catch on until I got the angry letter from the mortgage company saying, Yo, pay your mortgage. Talk about a heart attack. Luckily, the company above my mortgage company on the list is my Money Market account. It was resolved easily enough, after the hyperventilating.

In other update news, since I have been sort of MIA.

I have been busy with keeping the kids busy. The kids are in gymnastics and swimming. And Punx and I still have Scouts so all that is Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. The three of them in Gymnastics is some of the cutest stuff I have ever seen. It is totally not bragging when I say my kids are better than all the other kids.

On Saturday, Punx had his first swim meet. So awesome. He was to swim three events but we were super late and I made him miss his first one. He was DQ'ed from his 25 breaststroke because he apparently doesn't do the arm stroke right, he does a full pulldown for every stroke, that is a no-no. But in the 25 backstroke he got 4th place in his age group.

I have found my true summer calling. It is laying on a tube at the lake. It is the way tubes were supposed to be used, no screaming involved. My sister and I went to the Lake by her house and just laid around on the tubes while the kids splashed around or played in the sand. So Fridays you will find me by the lake by my house if I am not at my sister's, weather permitting.

Lastly, Mr. Bunbury finally made up his mind and quite exploded. He finally decided he couldn't live anymore and died. Which is good, since I have never liked vacillating. Indecision just about kills me, at least it appeared to have finally killed him. By Mr. Bunbury I mean Bug's pet frog Kelly. Is it wrong that I feel relief? And maybe just a bit of anger at all the work this lazy frog made me put into it to keep it alive if all it was going to do was commit suicide? And I just spent like $8 on new vitamin fortified cricket food hoping that would help. I am so sick of neurotic pets. We are now, at least, a pet-free family. We will stay that way for a long time.

Any suggestions on what to do with a 25 gallon terrarium with heater, cricket habitat filled with crickets, a years supple of cricket food, six months supply of weird squishy moist dirt stuff, and a travel terrarium? Stupid dead frog. And I will be feeling no mom guilt over this thing. It died with fresh water and four crickets in it's cage.