Yatta! ("I did it!" in Japanese)

This past week was the week for some serious arms up in the air and screaming, "Yatta!"

I will list my top three:

First:
Finished first semester of school, didn't do too bad on my finals, didn't kill the kids with all the stress, with the added benefit of being so stressed out that I lost a couple pounds. I finished the semester with three A's and one B. Of course, that B is in my Anatomy and Physiology lecture, I've never worked harder for a B or been more proud.

Second:
I fixed the toilet. Again, but really fixed the problem. The handle broke again and instead of just putting on a new handle I found out what was causing the handle to break. An old gasket in the tank. Replaced gasket, new handle, and learned how to stop it from running. I used to have to lift the lid to flush the toilet and then wait around to fix the running. Now I stay purely to thrill at the sound of a completely working flush.

Third:
Survived first girl slumber party. DD turned eight last week and instead of some big party, I told her she could invite three friends to sleep over. I had this thing planned. Asked a friend to let the boys sleep over at her house so I could focus solely on the girls. They watched movies, played on the computer, video games, ate pizza, other various junk, and we made bracelets/necklaces with little picture frame charms for a picture of DD and whoever made the jewelry. And they were even quiet when I told them it was time to be quiet, I think I properly scared them with my I-am-the-crankiest-person-in-the-world speech. The next day was a little more challenging, they were all very tired including the boys. Everyone was all blood-shot eyes by the end of the day. None of them have ever stayed up that late before. They had a blast. Even if DD was having some serious entitlement issues, one more thing to work on.

Hunkered down

I am in full finals study mode. I have only four more days until I will be able to say I have survived my first semester back at school. I wasn't really feeling that much pressure, all my grades are pretty set. My English grade is right on the border of A/B, but I feel good with Hamlet so I am not that worried. I think I will be alright. I am very confident in my Algebra class that I will be fine. The final is accumulative and I have gotten A's on every test. To my surprise, I was the only one in the class to get an A on the last test. The test that I took early so I could go to the presidential rally. I was feeling the normal amount of stress going into my Anatomy final, it is on the last two chapters. I have a very solid B, so I just wanted to hang onto that. I emailed my professor to double-check that my grade was what I thought it was. I had figured an A was mathematically impossible but apparently he does some last minute curving. He told me that if I do very well on the final an A is not out of the question. So pressure back on.

As Sunday is a absolute no-study day, I can just veg out and post today. Especially since we didn't make it to church. A special thanks to Bug, throwing up at the Ward Christmas party last night. I can't tell you how good he is at telling me that he is feeling sick and that he needs to get to the toilet. He hasn't thrown up on the floor in years, leave it to now so we can be in public for that to fall through. He's not really sick, but that's a whole other story.

Here's the point just some lists of updates I wanted to share:

I did not get my flat screen TV, I wasn't impressed by the black Friday sales. The cheapest I saw was $100 off the cheapest I've been able to find on a normal day. That is not enough a savings for me to deal with crazy. I will wait it out a little bit more.

Way back on Veteran's Day, there was a program for Punx year group at school...



I just thought this was so funny. Do you see the arrow pointing to where you can see that tiny patch of Punx's head? He is standing on the highest tier there and the girls in front of him are a step lower and still that much taller than him. I just wanted a picture. We got there all early so we could sit in the front row so I could get some good pictures and maybe a video. And then this is all I could see. Then my battery died right after I took this picture. They sang very well though, it was a nice little program.

Then right before Thanksgiving I took the boys to go to the Presidential rally. DD had a field trip at school so I let her choose which she would rather do. She informed me that she had studied all about the President at school so she pretty much knew what he was going to say. It was a lot easier, I must say, with only two of them rather than all three. Especially since we stood there for about two hours before he came and then it took another two hours after before we could get back to out car. All for a twenty minute speech.

That morning as I was helping the boys get ready, I was explaining that they should dress nice. Not church nice, but let's not wear jeans. Note to self: it is so alright to wear jeans and comfortable shoes. I wore heels and was sore for two days. I was picking a nice outfit for Bug and just threw some random underwear at him, probably SpongeBob, and he picks them up and hands them back to me and says, "Mom, these are not nice underwear."



While we waited for the President. A very nice woman stood with us the whole time and even gave the boys a snack. They had sent out an email that we could bring food so I didn't but then they didn't even care. They had food there but I wasn't going to give up our spot to try and find our way to the snack tent at the back of the crowds.



As good a picture as I could get with the camera zoomed in and held over my head. As the President came in, a couple awesome soldiers reached back and picked up the boys to hold them up high so they could see him walk in. They pick them up one more time later on so they could look again. It was really nice, I can't pick up Punx like that anymore.



When it was over, we didn't even try to get to the buses I thought we could just sit down on the bleachers and wait while all the hordes moo'ed their way along. All those people just stood there forever. A friend and her family found us and we all waited out on the side together while the kids ran around.



One thing all the crowds missed by trying to get out of there so fast was watching Air Force One take off. We were right there. I think the boys liked that. Then when the crowds finally started moving we thought we should get in line. Then all the soldiers started yelling, civilians, make a hole. Next thing we knew they all got out of the way and kept telling us to move up front. All civilians to the front. We kept getting pushed to the front until we were at the front of the line. We felt bad about that so we moved to the side. Then the buses came, it turned out everyone had been waiting until Air Force One had taken off, no one had left that whole time we had just been sitting around waiting for everyone to leave. Then everyone got all crazy to get on the buses so my friend's family and us, we moved to the side again. Next thing we knew another bus pulls up and stops right in front of us. So we just got in. It was hard not to laugh at all the impatient people pushing and trying so hard to get on that first bus when we just stood back and watched then one came to us. My friend's husband said, this is what an evacuation would be like, except that no one here is scared. That was a scary thought.

I really liked taking the boys to go see the President. Politics aside, I thought it was a cool experience for them. DD, of course, cried about it when she got home and thought the boys had more fun then she did. Not much of a surprise.

That's about it. Classes are over, so I do have a lot of free time to freak out and study. It turns out I am not that great at studying for prolonged periods of time at home. I think though that being on this side of the weekend and seeing finals so close will help me focus. Not so much tomorrow, though, mom day with a friend, I am going to see Twilight again.

I'm off!

Lovely school break looming before me, I am taking off to my sister's house for some turkey and hunting. I am hunting a flat screen TV this Friday. Our TV is the first TV we ever bought in our marriage and I am ready for an upgrade.

I will be back on Saturday or so and then I will post pictures of the Presidential visit to Fort Campbell yesterday that I took the boys to.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Uhhh, thanks?

Yesterday, I took a break from studying to actually do something. As I crashed and burned on my test this afternoon it probably wasn't the best idea. Anyway, I decided to go to enrichment. I have only gone like three times the year and a half we have lived here. It is the same time as swim team practice so I never make it. Yesterday, was the last day of swimming before we take a break. Less is more. So I pulled the kids out of swimming until Jan.

So, I get to the church and one of the first things someone says to me is..."You look exhausted."

I am pretty sure the phrase "worn-out" was in there also. I replied that, "Yes, I am but I am so glad that you can tell." Well, now. I have mirrors, I know that the bags under my eyes now resemble duffel bags rather than hand bags but ouch.

Here's to the future:

Life or Pancakes

From the movie "Stranger Than Fiction"

Harold Crick - "I want to live! I mean who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living, chooses pancakes?"
Professor Hilbert - "Harold, if you pause to think I believe you'd realize that that answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being lead and, of course, the quality of the pancakes."

On an aside, I really like this movie, some of my favorite quotes are from this little know Will Ferrell movie. It is not a normal sense of the word comedy but it is very funny. Smart funny.

To the point, I love that line. I'm not trying to sound pathetic, but I hope when I look back at my life it would appear to be better than high quality pancakes. I'm just saying.

Lather, rinse, repeat. As needed.

I know everyone knows the rut feeling. I have been feeling it something fierce ever since Dan left and just stepped back into the grind like nothing had happened.

Turn-off alarm. Do a little reading. Get breakfast for the kids. Get in the shower. Backpacks ready, clean-up breakfast. "Does everyone have a sweatshirt?" Repeat question four times. Get my backpack ready. Grab whatever bottle is counting as my breakfast and throw it in. Watch for the bus, get out the door, go, go, go. Oh yeah, I love you, have a good day. Drive to school, talk to Dan on phone. Find parking spot, walk to class. Cram whatever study time I have in. Class, study, class, study. Drive home. Clean something. Eat maybe. Study, homework. Kids, their homework. Clean something. Stop fighting. What day is it? Swimming, scouts, what's going on tonight? Dinner, baths, jamas. Stop fighting. Go to bed, now, I love you. Study, homework, watch some TV. Talk to Dan. Read a little, set alarm, turn off light.

Repeat, repeat, repeat, infinity...

I feel nothing but stress, frustration, anger, and occasionally nothing at all. I am just coming off a wonderful girl's weekend. My sister and I and a couple of friends did a church conference thing, Time Out for Women. It was here in Nashville this past weekend. A single friend stayed at the house and watched the kids. We all got a hotel room, went to the conference, ate actual food, had a good time. Now here I am two days later, one day away from my first final and I am ready to explode.

I am very dispirited. I don't know how else to describe it except that I feel like I am failing. Not grade wise, potential wise. I am not doing my best work, the house is not clean, I feel like I am constantly pushing the kids away because I either need to study or please just let me have a minute to myself. In trying to get everything done, I feel like nothing is getting accomplished. I just don't know what to do with this feeling that I can't do this. The thought of settling for B's in some of my classes that I should have A's in makes me sick. And, yes, I know how stupid this all sounds. Now you know, I am truly that uptight.

So I have conceded. I am unwilling to live like this and unwilling to have my kids live this way anymore. As much as it feels like a kick in the gut, next semester I am taking the A&P II class with it's lab and nothing else. This class, this semester, has taken me at least 15 hours a week. I am just going to focus on that and maybe next fall I can re-evaluate, again.

But now, it is official, I will not be graduating here. It will be impossible. I choose sanity over a defined graduation date. It just really sucks. I have no idea where we are going next, if there will be a university there, if they will even have a program. It's going to be a great picture me in my gown next to Punx in his in 2024. That's figuring that Punx graduates on time for high school, serves a two year mission and takes five years to get through college.

The thrill is gone

Enough already. [cough cough] I am so over the charm of laying in bed and watching TV, as I sneeze and reach for the tissues. At least I was able to venture out today, I was out of medicine.

Sixty-five bucks later, cough drops in bulk, chest cough meds, and a humidifier with some fancy vicks stuff you put in the water.

It's time to get out of bed. I'm thinking the couch, the one with the DVR in front of it, I remember why I hate commercials now. [cough cough] Was that pathetic enough for you guys?

The bright side, the kids don't have school on Monday, so I am not going to my classes even though my morning class was canceled so I am only ditching one class. Then Tuesday is when Austin Peay is doing Veteran's Day so I don't have classes on that day so I can be all kinds of pathetic until Wednesday with no fears.

Tons o' Tidbits

I am having a wonderful sick day. I haven't left my bed except to do necessary things like get chocolate, water, the computer, tissues, and more cough drops. I have never not minded being sick before. I feel like crap but yet I am enjoying myself. I have just laid here and watched TV, actual TV with commercials and everything. I even watched some music videos this morning, that was awesome. It has been too long since I took a lazy day. I wanted to take advantage of the lazy day to spew out all the stuff in my head that I didn't get out during R&R or have been otherwise forgetting.

Grades: I have hit a pretty good grove with my classes and have nailed a few more tests. The day that Dan came home was my second A&P test so I had to take it early, got the results after we got back from our weekend trip: 97%! I still got a sticker but my "good" went to "excellent" and I got #3 in the class. We just had our third test which I didn't study too well for since Dan was home for the whole section: 88%, back to a "good," but still third. Another Algebra test: 94%. In my A&P lab I got a 97% on the midterm and the top grade in the class. Second English test tomorrow on Dante, don't feel so prepared. So eventually my lazy day must end for some studying. Oh, poo.

Halloween: We did Star Wars this year. I was so happy that Dan was able to be here for the ward party at least.



I think I nailed the buns, that took some configuring. A natural bun of my thin hair is about the size of my ear, I made those from yarn. I took it easy this year, not much sewing. Dan's costume is thrift store with a little altering, mine is a Roman costume from years past with some altering, and the kids are purchased or borrowed.



There they are: Queen Amidala, Obi-wan, and Darth Vader. I couldn't find a picture where Bug is wearing his Darth Vader mask.

I already informed the children what we are doing next year. They have no choice in the matter, we are finally going to do what I have dreamed of doing for years. These will require five from scratch costumes so I have to get started real early, that's why I figured I'd let the kids know now that I took their free will away. I'm so excited, my dream Halloween.

Another swim meet: This time it was at our Y, so much easier. I don't know what places the kids got in there final events but they each won a few of their heats, they were very excited about that. The big one about this one was that they each got to do some relays for the first time and Punx did a 100 IM for the first time, one length of each stroke, it was amazing. He was so tired by the end, it was his hardest event and his last event. I was so proud. We have a couple more weeks of this session left and then we are taking the next session off. Just a little break, more free time during the winter and especially finals for me.

And lastly My kids on:

My kids on Finances:
Bug: If I had hundreds million dollars I'd put my hands in the air and say, "Victory is Mine!" Then take dollars and throw them in the air.

My kids on the eventuality of Death:
Bug and DD: Driving to Bowling Green, KY we drive through a small town called Russleville and it's graveyard every time.
Bug, "Mom, a dead yard"
DD, "Is that where you bury the people that you love?"
Me, "And where do you put the people that you don't love, in the garbage?"
DD, "That's all the people? How can that fit all the people who have ever lived?"
Me, "All the people that ever lived are not buried in Russleville, KY."
DD, "Oh, just all the people of KY and TN, then."

My kids on compliments:
DD, "Mom, you're nice and funny."
Me, "You forgot something."
DD, "Oh yeah, nice, funny, and beautiful."
And the same time Punx said, "Aggressive."

My kids on the election:
DD, "Mom, who are you going to vote for? At school there is a box at the cafeteria where we can vote."
Punx, "What are you talking about? That's for your favorite food, I voted for hamburger."
DD, "Oh, I saw someone vote for Obama."

The vote counters, that's one vote for pizza, one for Obama, one for hamburger, and one for Ralph Nader? Who put that in here?

That about all my diseased brain can remember for the moment.

Super Cheesy/Gushy Confession

I am not one for emotional outbursts. Wait, let me rephrase that so it's true. I am not one for outbursts of positive emotions. Spontaneous hugs, Golly gee your swell kinda stuff. Nothing makes me want to kick my own butt more than when I cry in public. I'm not all that comfortable when other people do it either.

But the truth really is...there is a soft sort squishy person deep inside there that I keep chained up and buried beneath sarcasm, wit, and (hopefully) a good dose of dark humor.

This election has made my squishy come out.

I know that I will take this back, maybe even by the time the results come out but I am so happy today. I have always been too interested in politics, I remember when I went crying to my father to tattle on my mother for having a Dukakis pin on her purse. I was mortified, what was she thinking? She couldn't possibly be thinking about voting for him. It was 1988, and I was ten, it's a little bit of a head scratcher why I am like this.

I love this country. I mean Apple Pie, Fourth of July, Big Band, Fireworks, bring on the Lee Greenwood love this country. Every Fourth I take the kids to the show on post and we sit real close to the band and I cry. I am so embarrassed. I try to hide it every year and am always so grateful when it finally gets dark.

Here's the point. Voter turn out has always been one of those things that gets my blood boiling. This great right we have and so many people not exercising it. So much blood split for it and people don't care. I missed the registration deadline after I turned eighteen by one day, I didn't know about deadlines then. On the day of the election I went with my boyfriend to the polls and watched him vote for Bob Dole as I hide my tears. I've never missed a deadline since, even with all the moves.

I am so proud of everyone this year. Bursting. Millions of new registrations, millions of first time voters. It is anticipated anywhere from 20-40 million more people will vote in this election than the last presidential election. That is so huge!

With all the division in the country, all this break-down among party lines, today I just don't care. Today everyone gets their voice. Americans are taking their voices back. This is why I am so happy, so pleased, so squishy.

Today I honestly don't care who wins. Because with so many people finally voting it makes me feel like we will be getting a President that America has chosen, even if it isn't the one that I voted for. How can I be upset at that? Now I make no promises on how I'll feel in a few months when the new administration does whatever it is they are going to do that I don't like.

Right now, inside I am all roasted warm marshmellow. I voted today, I hope you did, too. The will of the people will be done today. For the People, by the People.

I have no words for this

I took Dan to the airport today. I can't tell you how wrong it feels. There is this "back to normal" feeling. I shouldn't feel like things are going back to normal now that Dan is heading back to Afghanistan. I drove straight from the airport to my afternoon A&P class, then home. Right when I got home it was right to chores, dishes, laundry, etc. It felt all like normal. I'm not sure what's going on. Just knowing that Dan will be coming home soon, knowing that I know what to expect now, knowing that I can do this. Dan should be home in about three months. They have cut off two months from the deployment.

Let's get to the fun stuff. R&R was beyond wonderful. Dan and I spent a couple of days in Nashville and in Kentucky at the Land between the Lakes. Just us two. We have only done that once before after we had kids. Man, it was great.



This is the view of Carnton Plantation in Franklin, TN. Dan and I did a tour. It was a plantation turned into a field hospital during the Battle of Franklin during the Civil War. There are still blood stains on the wood floors. There is a historical fiction out called The Widow of the South, it was very interesting. Also nice was taking a boring adult history tour of something and having no one to shush.



The view from the cabin we rented at the Land between the Lakes. Beautiful. I wish we could've stayed there for a few more days.



We came home on Sunday morning. I walked into the house and called the kids into the living room. Hey kids who wants to see what I brought home from my trip? Yeah! I opened up the front door and there stood Dan. They just yelled and ran to him. It was indescribable. This picture was taken within minutes and I think that is enough.


Having a man around the house again...



He did this to the garage in one day. One trip to Lowe's for a tool rack thingy, toy thingy, another couple shelves and the garage is so pretty. I wish I had a before picture so you could really get the full benefit. Let's just leave it at that there was a free path from the car door to the basement door.

He mowed the lawn twice, trimmed all the trees and bushes, took two trips to the dump, and a trip to the recycling place (we don't have pick-up here in Clarksville, we have to take it ourselves). And he bought me this...



We didn't quite measure the cabinet right and the fridge was too high, so Dan took care of that, too. He cut the lower lip of the cabinet so the fridge fits. I'll admit it, I have hugged my new frigde. The best part for Dan is the old fridge in the garage, the next time we went to the commissary he made sure we bought a whole mess of soda. While we would be watching TV in the basement he would just step into the garage and come back with a cheesy grin on his face and a cold soda.

I hadn't realized how many things I had let slide, couldn't do, or didn't do until I had a man in the house again.

Now lets get to the important part. What I wore to the airport.



I'm going to come clean about this picture, its a re-enactment. The picture at the airport is bad. When Dan came walking down that hallway thing and I saw him, I starting bawling. I never got fully into an ugly cry but when I cry my face gets all puffy and red. It shows up on the pictures. And the person who took the picture didn't get the full effect of the outfit. So, yes, I made Dan do a re-do. As much as I worried about this outfit I needed pictoral proof.

So now back to "life." I don't even want to think about what my inbox looks like or the google reader. Looks like I have a lot of deleting to do. I hope everyone had a good eighteen days.

He's home!

Dan's home! Dan's home! he he he

To sum up

I can sum up all of Saturday with this:

I ate my emergency Snickers bar.

I [heart] irony

I am beginning to love my World Lit class. I got the results back from the first half of my first test and it was an A, so yeah! The essay portion I will receive my grade on Monday.

Anyway, the first thing we read was The Odyssey, I got a kick out of reading the epic poem about a man struggling through great trials to get back to his wife after the war in Troy. I could imagine myself as Penelope staying at home with her son, waiting, waiting, waiting. Now I haven't waited for twenty years without so much as an email but I could sympathize with her, I think, a little more than the average college student.

Imagine my delight when we started Dante's Inferno today. As we begin to descend into the various levels of hell, it was all I could do to not laugh out loud.

Today we entered the first circle of hell: Limbo. Let's move on, huh? I've been living in this circle long enough.

By the time we get to the next circle, I should actually be missing class, due to picking my husband up for R&R, what circle will be be entering then? The second circle of hell: Lust. he he he.

I wonder if by the time I get back we'll have moved on to the third circle: Gluttony, which I plan to do a lot of while Dan is home, especially since I haven't eating in about five weeks.

This begs me to ask to real pertinent question? What circle of hell will we be in when Dan has to go back to Afghanistan?

"Abandon all hope ye who enter here." - Inscription over the Gate of Hell, where all the damned must go through on their way to eternal punishment, those with no hope of redemption.

Big mouth strikes again

Last week was parent teacher conference week at the childrens' school. Punx teachers sent a note saying that we did not need to meet, that was nice. DD's and Bug's meetings went a little differently.

I have been getting notes in Bug's study buddy about three times a week. "He did not do so well with his listening today." "He didn't do as he was told and lost some recess today." "Today when I told the kids to go to their desks after carpet time he stayed on the carpet and spun in circles." You get the idea. We have been discussing every bad note and celebrating every good one.

A couple days ago there was yet another bad note and I looked right at him and said, "This is not a good note." He looks right back at me with dead eyes and in monotone goes, "I don't care." Get to time out, right now. I was on the couch studying and stayed there where I could see him sitting in the corner on the stairs where I left him for a long time. After about twenty minutes I start saying, "Do you care now? Huh? Do ya?" And then left him in there awhile more. We had a long talk about him never saying that kind of stuff to me. Ever again.

Next day, good note. The day after that, not so much. I look at it, and look at him. He looks at me and before I can say anything at all, "I care."

Alright message received, but we are still getting bad notes, but at least I am not getting attitude over it anymore.

Then yesterday, Bug's primary teacher tells me a good story of what he said in front of the whole primary. I have started getting the kids ready for my weekend trip. "Mom is going away for a couple of days and Aunt Jenny is coming to stay with you guys." They don't know that I am getting Dan at the airport and we are going to the lake for the weekend. I told them that I am just taking a little break. After telling DD that she doesn't get to ask me why I get to take a break, I went on to explain that it was just for like two days and they would be with their cousins and Aunt. You'll be fine.

Bug raised his hand and told all of the primary, "Um, my Aunt Jenny is coming to our house for the weekend 'cuz Mom needs a break."

He also told his teacher about me being unhappy about my birthday, by way of the unhappy face that I had put on the calendar. I told the kids it was because Dan was gone not the numeric significance. That got me a batch of really good homemade cookies, which I totally snarfed. Now that the whole primary thinks that I am coming unhinged. Oh well, I will be too busy actually spending time with my husband. Holy crap, ten more days.

Good?

That was written on my A&P test. "Good." With a sticker of a flower on it. And a little note that said "tied for 8th."

I got a D.

I got 49 out of 72 points. Technically it was out of 83 points but he knocks off 11 out of the goodness of his heart. With his grading I got 68%, really I got 59%.

I stewed over the "good" and the sticker for a few days. He said nothing about grading on a curve. I wasn't holding out hope that my D was somehow miraculously a B or even an A. 8th out of 70 is pretty good, right? But never in my life has someone told me good job on a D. Or given me a sticker, although I don't think I have gotten a sticker on any of my work in about twenty years.

Finally today I asked him. Your grading scale is up front right? Percentage equals grade? Yes, that's right. Ok, you see I'm confused. I got a D, right? You wrote "good" on it. Did you get a sticker? Yes, I did. I put stickers on the ones I think still have hope. oh, alright, thanks.

Honestly, I think I'm starting to come around to him. There have been a few nursing students in the Library printing off his stuff for their upper-level classwork. They all say that they have forgotten everything and his stuff is the best. Everyone that didn't have him for A&P is now suffering. Anyone that had him and actually passed is doing fine. Maybe it really should be this hard. Maybe, gulp, it's only going to get harder, so I better get a good foundation now. From someone who forces you to actually learn the subject not just pass the test.

I think I will sign up for his class for the next level of A&P that I need next semester.

Until then, I have already printed out the study materials for the next test in two weeks. I have to take it early since the test in on the day that Dan comes home. But I am limiting myself to two hours a day, during the day. No more late nights. No more overdoses.

As in all things, I must find that balance. At least I know what is coming now. Until the next test, I have my first Algebra test tomorrow, first English test on Friday, and first A&P Lab test on Tuesday. One test at a time.

Wouldn't life be great if 68% were a good job on other things? I paid 68% of the mortgage payment this month- good job! I paid attention to the kids story about 68%- good job, although I think I would have to pay attention more to hit that percentage.

This has shaken my whole reality. Good job! For a D.

Things that make you go hmmm...

I had a crappy week. I had been studying non-stop for my first Anatomy and Physiology test. At a minimum I put in thirty hours of study. I was doing about four hours a day on a light day and that was just last week. The test was on Friday and I am almost positive that I failed it. If I knew where this professor lived he would find a flaming bag of dog poop on his doorstep. No multiple choice, no matching. All short answer, define, or sketch and draw. I went through the study materials four or five times. It was about 100 pages. It would appear that the things that did stick weren't on the test. If I don't get a good grade in this class I will have to take it again. And not just because I care about my GPA, although, I really do. Getting in the radiology department isn't a given, you must apply and be accepted. My two classes of A&P are the only health field related classes that I take. I can't imagine that a poor grade makes me look like a promising candidate.

First thing I did after I turned in that joke of a completed test was go eat. I have given up food until Dan gets home but I made an exception for Friday. And I made it a point that I wasn't going to think about that stupid test until Monday when hopefully I will get the results.

Saturday, I took the kids to a video conference with Dan. It was really nice. And weird. I literally hadn't seen my husband in about nine months. Seeing him was surreal. The kids acted like the monkeys they are but if they weren't there, I think Dan and I might have had an awkward time of it. We talk on the phone a lot and our conversation never lag, but now looking at each other through a bad pixelated screen, what do you say? It made me suddenly really nervous for R&R. Then we had a baptism for a friend and I dropped them off at Super Saturday. I had originally planned on canceling but changed my mind for some retail therapy.

I got my haircut, found the outfit for the airport. I took mostly everybody's advice, nice and casual. New jeans with a nice three button jacket. And really cute dark plaid heels with shiny black on the toe and heel. It felt really nice to buy a pair of jeans two sizes smaller and they just went right on, no squishing.

Then today, it looks like Punx might have pink eye. Second week in a row of missing church. I missed school last Monday because Bug was sick and now Punx. I got him a doctor's app for the afternoon but now I have three more days to freak over the test.

So I needed a laugh. I remember my chopstick paper that I kept from one time taking the kids to the nearby buffet always intending to share it but forgot. So here it is...



In case you can't read it: Welcome to Chinese Restaurant. please try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks the Traditional and typical of chinese glorious history. And cultual

All punctuation and capitalization is as it appears on the original. That also reminds me, on my birthday we went to PF Changs and my fortune cookie didn't have a fortune. That is really bad right? Not getting a fortune on your birthday?

This got me to thinking of something I read in The Time a while back about the Chinese translating all their signs for the Olympics into English. They didn't do so well, I did a quick search. Spent a whole lot of time laughing and decided to share my favorites...









#7 is the head scratcher.

I need a laugh, that was good. All I did was google Chinese funny signs.

I need help

Yeah, yeah, go ahead and get the jokes out of your system. I really do have a problem here. It is two-fold. Dan comes home in one month. Hold on, I need to do that again.

DAN COMES HOME IN ONE MONTH!!!!!!

So the first part of my problem is the freaking out about all the things that I need to do to be ready for when he gets here. The house sparkling clean, food in the house, maybe even have some freezer dinners, yard work, garage, haircut for me, haircut for the boys, write real to-do list of all the things I want to get done, etc. Everyday I live in this house and it seems fine and then I think about Dan coming home and it's a crap-hole. One disgusting mass of kids mess and filth. And the various depositories of my belongings that I haven't taken care of. This house looks exactly like what is does when Dan is home and that is now all of a sudden unacceptable to me.

The thing I am really freaking out about is what I am going to wear at the Airport to pick him up? Seriously. I am running circles in my head about what I could wear to the airport and can't figure it out.

Options:
Casual or nice
New or old

There are many pros and cons to each side. Casual would be the pinnacle of what I am, jeans, t-shirts, flip-flops is how I live my life. So Dan's first sight of me being something he is used to sounds reasonable.

Nice though has it's upside as well. I don't dress nice very often. So when I do, Dan likes that. It's a special occasion so shouldn't I dress up?

Then the old or new question. Should I wear something that is from my somewhat skinny collection that I couldn't fit when Dan left but that he would recognize. Once again touching on the whole comforting angle.

New to make me feel better and also get to shop more and celebrate my new size.

What about mixing up the categories, old outfit but nice clothes? Casual clothes but new?

Welcome to the endless circle of my thinking. I will accept all suggestions and then pretty much do what I want in the end but I still need guidance. The other part that worries me is isn't it too early for me to be putting this much thought into a decision like this that let's face it Dan won't really think about all? I'll get the "you look great" and he'll mean it. But he won't think anything about the energy or time put into the decision. He's a guy. And he's not incredibly neurotic. And I am not going to tell him either, no use giving him ammunition for the committal hearing. But I am going to face reality, my reality here. I am going to have this on my mind until I make a decision.

So go ahead and take it both ways, I need help. oh, oh, the really great side of new and nice is I'll get new shoes. I hadn't thought of that one before.

Abstract and selfish

I know that everyone must feel this way. This day is just off. Going about regular business, school, chores, swimming, feels out of whack. Staying at home watching the news feels weird. Everything about this day makes me feel like I've forgotten something.

This year more than any other.

I think of that day when I turned on the TV and saw. No one could have grasped then that it would mean that our lives had changed to pre- and post-. I didn't. Dan had just gotten out of the Guard and had contacted with the ROTC to join the Air Force after graduation later in 2002. He signed his contact on Sept. 9th when the world made more sense. Dan joined the Guard in 1999 to help pay for school and then fell in love with the military. He decided that if he was going to make it his career he should go Air Force and finish school. Dan's Guard unit was called up on Sept 13th for two years. All I could think of was how glad I was that he had gotten out and was now joining the Air Force, where he wasn't going to be asked to do anything scary.

Then...seven years later he is in the Army and in the war that started a month later. He has a desk job, he is not in danger, I do not worry about that. We are blessed, lucky, and grateful. But he is gone. And he is going again, all too soon. That is all I can think about. He isn't home from the first one and the second one is already looming on the calendar.

I am being selfish. Then comes the guilt. This day isn't about me but that is all I think about, my family and what this day did to my kids. Evil men on the other side of the world decided to murder innocent people because they live in America and wanted to go to work and support their families. Now my kids have to give up their father for big chunks of their childhood. I have to give up my best friend and have a 10,000 mile marriage.

We chose this life, the military life. Together. And more than that when Dan was being let go from the Air Force he had options, civilian life or Army life. We chose this, together. We knew that by going Army he would deploy. We knew that he would be gone and what he would be asked to do. We made this decision with our eyes open.

That knowledge doesn't change a thing. I am still alone at night when the kids cry. I am still selfish, and just want Dan home.

One success, one blunder

Brag, brag, brag. To celebrate hitting the 30 lbs lost mark, I went shopping. I have been on the hunt for two very elusive items. One: a dress, two: a jean skirt. The search has been going on for about a year. Background info for those that don't know of the fashion restrictions. Sleeveless is not an option, skirts need to at least go to my knees, and a few other things like backless, or too low in front. I have been on the hunt for a dress that right from the hanger I can wear. I have two dresses and they are both sleeveless so I wear shirts underneath one and a sweater with the other one. I want a dress that is self-sufficient. Needless to say, I am picky. Nothing I wear is frilly, not big on lace, or those grown-up pinafore looking things. Not going to happen.

Then just like that two dresses in one day. With one being the ultimate, a black dress. I do have to make two slight alterations and then that one will be perfect. Just a little bit of a nip on the neck line so it's not so come and get it and then the other alteration is for me to be just a slight less fatty and I am all set. That is my new goal dress, hanging in one corner of my room, taunting me. The goal is to be ready for it by the time Dan gets home. The other dress is perfect for now, right off the hanger. And two sizes smaller than my last size. Success!

On to the blunder, totally not my fault which is why I can share it so freely, although I am never that shy to share all the stupid crap I do. Every year for my birthday I get myself a present. I go a little crazy on Amazon and add on to the CD collection. But with a mission, this is back-dating that I do. Not anything that I can buy at the store, this is my old-school stuff. The stuff that I grew up on, the songs that shaped my tastes for the rest of my life. I was a child of the eighties but more importantly the youngest of six children, some of whom were teenagers then and took it upon themselves to make sure I was raised correctly.

This year it is some Pet Shop Boys, Howard Jones, and Elvis Costello. And two other obscure CDs, not old but not available at the stores, The Shins and a collection of music from Gilmore Girls. The tricky thing with buying old is that sometimes used is the only option. I normally do alright with Amazon but it is always a gamble. The Elvis Costello one was only available used so I gambled, bet on red baby. It landed on black.

The Elvis Costello comes first and I was so excited, I can already hear Veronica in my head, I am looking forward to a night of uploading to the itunes and introducing the children to Peace, love, and understanding. I open the CD case and there to meet my expectant gaze is a familiar blue CD with the word Weezer on it. Huh?! How hard is it to open a CD before you ship it? The second CD was in there, but come on, let's face it, on a two-disk album the first one is always the best, the ugly sisters go on the second one.

And to get a CD that I already have, that's just insult to injury. All I could think of is any person who has an interest in Weezer has had the blue album for years. The only people still needing to buy the blue album are kids who are now back-dating their collections being that they were like two when it came out. They have no clue who Elvis Costello is. Having said that, if you like Geek rock, you must have Weezer and the Blue album is there first one, sooo great. Then their newest one, the Red album, holy crap it is the best album that I have heard in years. It has a song on there that now tops my top twenty of all time favorite songs, Heart Songs. And another one, Everybody Get Dangerous is like seriously taking a nostalgia trip into my teen years.

I got side-tracked. Now begins the whole email the dude who can't open a CD before he ships it to see if he even really has the CD or if he shipped it to poor some sap buying Wham! Make it Big! Then mail it back, find another shifty seller and hold my breath again.

So in conclusion, yeah for my new dress and boo for incompetence.

What the...?!

Today in Algebra we were broken up in groups and set to work on an assignment. We got our little group of four all together, chatted a tiny bit and got to work. A few minutes into doing some work that didn't require any discussion I hear, "Um, ma'am?"

That would be one of my group members trying to get my attention. I was the only girl in the group and I can assume by his title the only ma'am in the group also. I hesitated and looked around to see how close by the professor was, maybe he was trying to get her attention. No such luck. I looked at him and asked, "Did you just call me ma'am?" Then he realized that he had offended me and meekly apologized.

Stupid-dang-respectful-butt-headed-teenaged-color-coordinated-wearing-more-hair-product-than-I-ever-have-phrat-bro-punk.

I'd rather had been called dude. A million times over. Ma'am. shesh.